Mimosa with Samosa, Manisha (Part-3)

“So, she is only fourteen?”
“Yes. Actually she just turned fourteen”
“Manisha, this is too late. It might be dangerous”
“Why don’t you ask someone to assist you?”
“The foetus is fully formed now”
“What difference does it make?”
“It’s killing a life that is just shaping up”
“It will kill my daughter’s life if I let it grow”
“It’s a baby”
“My daughter is still a baby”
“Did you ask her?”
“She is scared anyway”
“It’s risky”
“At her age having a baby is too”
“I have stopped doing this”
“Why? Earned enough screening the sex and aborting a thousand?”
“Not that. I felt bad for what I was doing and stopped”
“You did a thousand before that, what is one more?”
“It haunts me at night”
“This one won’t. Mom doesn’t cry for this one”
“Have you asked her?”
“It doesn’t matter. Just do it”
“You have become very cruel”
“At least I do it for her good. You did it to earn money all these days”
“Manisha, think over it”
“We did. That’s why we are here. If you can’t, let me know. There are other doctors in the city”
“I will. Just sign a few papers”
“Make sure this is a secret. News spreads so fast. Admit her under a fake name and don’t tell anyone that we are from US”
“Don’t worry. My staff is trustworthy”
“Thanks Hetal”
“No problem Manisha. I will see you tomorrow with Madhuri”
“Give her anesthesia. I don’t want her panicking”
“I will. She is too young to go local. It can be traumatic”
“I have to do an ultrasound to check everything”
“I will bring her in”

The nurse wheeled in the machine while I brought Madhuri in. Funny that she gave me the gown and asked to change. She might have thought that I am trying to have a boy third time around. I didn’t have the heart to tell her that I am happy with my two girls and it’s my grandchild we are going to see on the ultrasound. Hetal understood and asked her to lock the door and leave, and did the screening herself.

Wait, what did I say? I said my grandchild. Sounds so weird, but that is the truth. People call it a second outing at motherhood, and a wonderful and enjoyable experience. My mother actually had dreams of becoming a grandma and when I was pregnant with Madhuri, she was so happy. Circumstances change everything. My eyes well up seeing a baby boy, as Hetal likes to call the foetus on the screen. With a heartbeat thumping at 140 per minute, and a tiny body in her uterus, the little boy seems to look at me and ask, why. Why me? Why can’t you have a heart and adopt me as your own child? Be my Yashoda and I be your Krishna?

I don’t know what Madhuri’s feelings are. She has turned her face the other side, and is not talking to anyone, or reacting to anything Hetal says. But she cannot get weak now and have this baby. It will ruin the future for her. Emotionally it will wreck her. This baby is better off sent to the God’s house than given a hell everyday of its life. I remember how happy Jignesh was when I was pregnant. Even then I had a miserable time. My mother cared for me and my baby, but still I had doubts whether I will be a good mother or not. Madhuri can’t go through all that at this age. I will let this be a pleasurable experience for her and her future husband later in life when they are ready for it. This is nothing but a mistake. I have to develop a heart of stone and let this happen.

I wish that I had someone I could talk to. Jignesh. Or mother. And tell them how this hurts my heart. How it tears my soul apart to make such a decision. I want a shoulder to cry on and empty the sorrow of my heart. But logic tells me that it won’t be a good idea. They will brand me a bad mother and my little Madhuri a tramp. She will never be trusted and always be doubted. No one has to know anything that they don’t need to know.

Jignesh will tell his parents. And his mother will unleash hell on the poor girl. Of course she will torture me. Jignesh acts like a baby in front of his parents. Right from the time he married. So many of my friends don’t even let their in-laws visit them, even though their husbands are the only kids to them, and here I am, stuck with in-laws right after I got married. He has three brothers in US, but they don’t want to take responsibility. They always have a reason not to take them home. I made a big mistake of not drawing the lines right after I got married. Now we have come too far to do anything.

I come back to the world as Hetal tells me to come in at 5 am sharp so that we can be done with this before the other staff comes. I have to told my mother that we are going on a short trip to Bombay for some shopping. Hopefully we don’t have to tell anyone the truth. I steel myself for the morning and bring on the courage to support Madhuri and give up the craving to find a support for my own self. Probably I lost that chance of finding a special someone in my life forever. This was the rude awakening that my life is over, and that of daughters has begun. That I lived without loving and being loved.