Mimosa, with Samosa, Vani (Part-4)

I park the car at Ruchi’s afterschool. It’s dark already. Winters are dreadful with their dark skies. I wait for spring. Perpetually. Sometimes I wonder if I should just enjoy what every season has to give than sit and sulk. The grey skies won’t fade away, and the sun won’t shine just because I wish them to. I am told many times already that the world doesn’t revolve around me. If I wish to be sixteen, and hush myself in my own cocoon, I am allowed to. But the world will change, outside me. Whether I like it or not. Life moves on. I have learnt this hard lesson trying to hold on to the spring of my life, only to be greeted with premature winter and wilting leaves. I don’t blame Shekhar also. He had his own ideas of enjoying life to the fullest, and I had mine. It’s just that I didn’t understand that they don’t have to be the same necessarily for a couple. We still love each other, but we have our personal life separated from married life, for better or for worse. I have been unsuccessful in defining them clearly, yet.

I see Ruchi walking to the car, which is very unusual, but I wait. She bangs the door shut, and sits inside, without saying a word to me. I try not to lose my temper at the show of pre-teen attitude, and try talking to her.

“What’s wrong Ruchi?”
“Nothing”
“Why the long face?”
“Um-um”
“I am asking something”
Silence.
“Ruchi?”
“Yeah.. It’s just something that’s happening. Oh, you will say it’s nothing to worry about anyway. What’s the use of telling you?”
I don’t know when my daughter started feeling that I won’t care, or worry.
“Ruchi, tell me, maybe I can listen?”

She started crying already. It was no use asking her anything sitting in the front seat. I should have understood that something was wrong when she came out walking. I drive to the nearest Starbucks while Ruchi sobs on, like some tragedy has befallen her. I think of different scenarios that might have gone wrong. May be she had crush on shaggy boy Calvin, and he found love in someone else’s arms.. no, may be eyes at this age. May be she didn’t get a good grade on math. May be she got pregnant like Manisha’s daughter? God no! That can’t be true! I am trying to be a good mother.. I am a good mother. Don’t give me a bad child. I won’t be able to live with it. I am suddenly scared, and try to look at her face for any tell tale signs in the rear view mirror, but there isn’t enough light. I pull over at Starbucks, and order a Caramel Machiato, and a hot chocolate for Ruchi.

“Make it Soy, please”, I heard Ruchi say. As far as I knew, she had no allergies to diary, until last night. Suddenly I feel my feet go cold as I worry of unknowns about Ruchi.

“So, tell me what happened?”
“Nothing serious”
“You are telling me that you are crying just because you feel like? Not because something happened?
“It’s not like that”
“Calvin got a girl friend”
“I don’t even like Calvin!”
“Oh yeah, you like that Indian boy who asks you about Indian movies and is five inches shorter than you”
“Mom, would you stop it?!”
“What happened?”
“It’s just that..”
“Just that, what?”
“I have noticed something”
“Okay”
“Physically change”
“Hmm”
“I don’t know if you already noticed, but it’s been almost two months now”
“What!?”
“I didn’t know how to tell you. It was so embarrassing. And I knew what was happening. You talked to me, Ms. Suzie told me. It was a little earlier than any of you thought it would be, but like you said, it’s natural”
I deep breathe, trying to memorize what a mom should say at this moment, without letting kid feel emotionally alienated.

“Sweety, I am not sure if you I understand you right”
“Mom, we are sitting in Starbucks and discussing this! I can’t make anything clearer than this!”
“Okay, can you re-tell everything you said, using different words?”
“Mom, I am going through natural phase of my body that is affecting my life, and I am very embarrassed to talk to you, or anyone about it. I know it’s too early, none of my friends have experienced it yet, and you didn’t either when you were my age”
“Oh my God! You are pregnant!”
Silence.
“Are you crazy, mom?!”
“You should have talked to me before. It might be too late already”
“What? How could you think I would do anything like that! I don’t even have a boy friend.”

Silence on my side. We were already being stared by an elderly couple. Mother without a ring, and daughter with a natural physical change were interesting that watching evening news about dead body trading. Plunging moral values of the person sitting next to you are always worrisome than the Dow Jones that might wipe off anything that remained in retirement funds. I don’t care about anyone who doesn’t know me, or my family. They can let their imagination run wild, just like I do about other strangers. It’s a habit for some; it’s a hobby for some. They call it studying faces. Except the couple here was judging faces.

“You are a freak mom!”
“Watch your words, Ruchi!”
“You watch your thoughts, Mom! I am not like Manisha aunty’s daughter!”
“Don’t take her name. I think I made it clear”
“Just because you don’t, doesn’t mean the whole world forgot about her. Everyone teases her at temple, and at school, and no one has forgotten”
“Ok, let’s not worry about others. Tell me what’s ailing you”
“Hmm”
“What?”
“I got my period two months ago”
“What?!”
“Yeah. I took your pads from your bathroom in case you haven’t noticed”
“I don’t keep them in the bathroom”
“Ok, your closet, with your private stuff”
“How could you? Why did you hide it?”
“It’s not something great that should be shared with everyone.. besides I was embarrassed. You will tell dad”
“He is your dad. He should know what’s going on with you”
“I don’t like it”
“It doesn’t work like that”
“I don’t care. Just don’t tell him, yet”
“OK. I won’t. What went wrong that you had to tell me, now?”
“I haven’t had my period ever since, and now I feel funny around my tummy. It’s getting hard, and everything irritates me”
“Hmm.. you sure you didn’t”
“No, I didn’t sleep with anyone”
“I meant, you counted right?”
“Yes. I know how to count 28, I top in math always”
“Let me take you to the doctor tomorrow”
“Am I alright?”
“Yes, it’s normal. Happens to everyone. Happened to me, your aunt, a lot of my friends”
“Hmm..”
“It’s Ok”
“You will take a day off for me?”
“Yes. You come before anything else in my life”
“What about your manager? Will he make you a target?”
“I don’t care”
“I can wait if you have any problems at work”
“Ruchi”
“Can we go out for lunch, after doctor’s?”
“Sure. Where do you want to go?”
“P.F.Changs. Like we did when I was in third grade”
“Sure”

I send an email to my manager that I am sick, going to the doctor. Sent another one to Shekhar that we needed to talk, tonight. We bought a few muffins and another round of lattes, for both of us, with soy for Ruchi, and fat free for me. Suddenly my girl had grown up, and I hadn't taken time to notice. I pick her up every evening, and we do homework together, I attend her sports, I talk to her before she sleeps, sometimes early mornings, and we play tennis on the weekends. Never noticed anything. Was I so preoccupied? Was I so careless? Or Ruchi was so careful? I decided to pay extra attention from now onwards as I started the car to go home, with Ruchi next to me, opening and closing the glove box, humming some Hannah Montana song that didn’t make any sense to me. I smile at my own naivety for thinking that she could be pregnant when I didn’t even that her periods started.