Mimosa with Samosa, Shekhar (Part-1)

"Vani, your phone is buzzing nonstop"
"Just leave it. I will come and check it"

It is very unusual for Vani to leave the phone buzzing and enjoy the shower. She is the kind of person who has to know everything, as it happens. May be the layoff has changed her. May be she doesn't feel important anymore. May be Manisha and Neena's emails don't interest her anymore. Vani is an introvert. Very hard to understand and entertain. She will never tell me what she wants, but never stop expecting me to do things that her heart wants me to. May be she thinks I am a superman with superpowers who can get into her heart and know everything that's in there. All her desires. Whatever it is, I have loved Vani all these days. Together we make a good couple. It doesn't matter that I never really fell in love with her. At this point in life, it doesn't really matter where and when we started. We have the quintessential happy family with European cars and a mini-mansion in an upscale neihgborhood. We have a beautiful girl that is a delight to watch. We have everything that people struggle to have all their lives. If only Vani were a little romantic, if only she would let herself a little loose, life would be a heaven. But, who has perfect lives?

The phone buzzes again, and I pick it up.

"The devil in me in unleashed, and I want to be cruel, no longer the good friend you had"

The message amuses me first, shocks me next. Who is in their right mind would send such messages to Vani, unless it's a stalker? Usually when you write on the internet, you make a few friends, a few enemies and a lot of frenemies. May be Vani has written something to hurt a few people? Are they stalking her? But knowing Vani, she would come running to me and ask me to fix it. She wouldn't be the one to hide and move on. May be after her layoff, she is a little depressed. She doesn't look though. In fact, with all this writing workshops, and literary events, she is glowing. Her eyes are sparkling again.

I scroll through her other messages that were equally provocative. For a moment, I couldn't believe my eyes. Vani sending sexually charged messages to someone who calls him an invisible man? Or is it Vani trying to be creative and playing with herself. This is not the woman I married, and live with for the past twelve years. I know her. She has never liked violence of any kind. She is the gentle kind. These messages are so crude. So crass. Only a hooker could do it. My Vani is not that kind. I tell myself again and again, as I stand there, in disbelief with Vani's blackberry in my hand, scrolling through at least hundred emails that Vani is exchanging with the stranger, who calls himself invisible. Going through their emails, he is neither invisible, nor a stranger to Vani. Perhaps she knows him better than she knows me. In all these years, she has never talked of any of the things that she is talking to a stranger now. Is he her old lover? Did they reunite now, via facebook, as the fad goes? Or is he someone she found in a chat room? Who is it? Why is Vani cheating me over someone who probably wouldn't be able to give her everything I have given her in life?

I feel lifeless and limp all of a sudden, as I pour myself a glass of scotch, and try to analyze what went wrong, and when. What did I do to deserve this? I haven’t even gotten a lap dance ever since I married Vani. I haven't visited any hooker. Never been to strip clubs or even hooters for that matter. I became the man women only dream of. I know several men who play poker every Friday and pay visit to places probably their wives wouldn't think of. They tell them that they were working. I never allowed myself all those pleasures only because of the love I had for Vani, and the respect I had for our marriage. How could she do this to me? I am not angry at the fact that people fall in and out of love. I wouldn't be holding any grudges towards her if she had told me that she had fallen in love with someone who will give her pleasures I couldn't even imagine off. I wouldn't be asking her to stay back. But the fact that she is enjoying life as my wife, and still staying married with me while having an affair with someone else makes me cringe. Challenges my manhood. Should I drag her out of the shower right now, and ask her to leave? Or to explain the messages? Or do the things she is begging her stranger to do and let her figure out that I know? Should I just kill her and end it all? I hyperventilate as I think of the possibilities. Just until an hour ago, I had the perfect family. I feel the need for fresh air. My body refuses to breath the same air as Vani.

"Dad, where are you going?"
"Forgot to get something"
"I get scared alone. Wait till Mom finishes her shower"
"Turn on the alarm"
"No, it's scary. Can you spend some time with me? Daddy-Ruchi time"

I am sucked into the bigger picture of married life. How would I explain Ruchi about her mother's wavering ways? "Sweetie, I am sorry to tell you, but your mother chose to sext someone and I don't approve of that" Would that help her understand the need for daddy to get out, right now? How will I explain it to my parents, or even Vani's? "I didn't bother to understand her darkest desires and she chose someone else to satisfy her cravings?". What about the divorce lawyer? "Make sure you get me Ruchi. That bitch is unreliable. She might go sexting and forget all about the kid". Oh, the so-called friends? "I heard Vani cheated virtually?" "Oh man! You were slogging in the office while she had life on all fours" "I really pity you. Your wife cheated you" "Weren't you capable of giving her what she desired? I mean, she went looking for it". How will I ever have the courage to face all this? Am I not man enough to keep Vani happy? Why did Vani do this to me? I close my eyes and lie down, while Ruchi rubs my head, asking me if it hurts. It hurts baby, my heart does. Only I can't show my hurt to you.

Ruchi sleeps peacefully in a few minutes, and I go back to our room. I don't know why, but when I see Vani's dresses lined up in the closet, a desire to burn them up gets strong. I see Vani getting out of the shower, with a small towel around her, and she looks like a two-headed snake to me. I don't feel drawn to her at all. As if waiting for me to come and hold her in my arms, Vani drops the towel and starts rubbing some lotion on her body. I do feel the need to hold her, but the emails she sent are still playing in my mind. If I touch her now, I might kill her. She wears a black lacy cami and black shorts, and walks to me, and I know what she wants to do next. Only I don't want to please her anymore. Should I tell her to go to her invisible man and enact every word they have written to each other. I see her gold chain shining around her neck, and I want to sqeeze her neck tight using the same chain. "I put it in my mouth, and slowly wrap in around your ***** while I feel you in mouth". That's what she had told the stranger she would do. She never did anything like that to me though. For a moment, I couldn't decide whether I am angry with Vani, or jealous of her new lover.

I do the things she had asked him to do, and watch her face glow. I don't know why I am playing along, but I am playing her invisible man, watching her eyes twinkle with love, lust that are definitely not for me. She shows no guilt of cheating me, and enjoys every word I say with her Umm..Hmm.s.